The Metric System

The Metric Nonsense System

This is a subject I have had some interesting private discussions with relatives and friends, and some felt the outcome was funny enough to be worth sharing so here goes.

We all know the public version of how wonderfully sensible and excellent the metric system is; how most of the world has been forced to convert to it and we silly Americans are the last ones on Earth to refuse. We could point out that the old English system used by Americans really is more sensible on several grounds (try dividing a meter into thirds, compared with dividing a yard or a foot into thirds) but let us examine the idea of taking that metric, TEN based system into other areas.

First lets start with a metric calendar! We shall have ten days per week, ten weeks per month, and ten months per year making a year 1000 days long. Our orbit of the Sun will have to be adjusted to fit the new metric calendar system of course but that should not be so difficult.

Next, lets move to metric clocks! We shall have ten seconds to a minute, ten minutes to an hour, and ten hours to a day; of course this makes our day length 1000 seconds long so our planet will have to be speeded up in order for our metric clocks to fit the actual passage of time, but this should not be any more difficult than changing the orbit.

The new metric calendar system will mean that people will live longer too - for a little quick math will show you that an average year under the old antiquated system lasted some 31,536,000 seconds compared with the new metric year of 1,000,000 seconds so a person who would have lived to the age of 70 under the old system will now live to a metric age of 2207.52 years! This may have repercussions on our social security and medicare programs so we may have to make some metric adjustments to those as well.

We shall have to legislate new laws to force everyone onto the new metric time and calendar systems, with appropriate punishments for everyone who fails to comply. Now I hope that everyone who reads this will contact your congressional representatives and push for our new metric calendar and metric time system to be enforced at the earliest possible moment.